Hi, as you can guys see from this post? This is the first one.
I've decided to start this blog because I notice that there seems to be a real lack of stepmothers writing about their experiences of being step mothers, and I have yet to see a blog from a step mother of a child with specials needs. I'm not exactly sure why, but I can guess it has something to do with their lack of time!
I'm 28 years old and as of last year became a step mother. Yes, that's right: I met a man, fell in love and then I met his son, who I think for the purposes of this blog I shall name Tricksy Monkey. The man? His name is Boyfriend, and together we are a family.
More about me: I was married. My marriage ended. I met Boyfriend and we started dating. We didnt date for very long, but I like to think this is because we realised very quickly that a good thing has just landed in our lap. So, we moved in together and at that point it was just us. In fact, it was just us, except weekends, for the first 5 months. Then, as of early 2011, we took on the day to day care of the Tricksy and that is when my experience of being a step mother began.
About Boyfriend: He was also married and his marriage also ended. The difference between us though was obviously the fact that I left my marriage without children. Boyfriend works in a job that he loves and spends alot of time reading, trying to catch up on lost sleep and spending time with his family.
About Tricksy: He is 7 and has Autism with global developmental delays. I often describe him as a tall 7 year old sized 2 year old. He is non-verbal meaning he has some words he can use well (shoes, car, some nouns), a selective eater meaning he eats only a few foods (Fries, crackers, orange/vege juice, one rice dish, ice cream, chocolate) and has trouble communicating effectively with people. He attends a special needs school which meets his high needs very well and he has alot of people around him that love him very dearly.
Don't get me wrong: He is a wonderful, intelligent and cheeky child. But he is hard work! There are things I used to take for granted with children his 'age': Personal safety, communication, sleeping! But these things went out the window when I met him. I was once told that I must enjoy a challenge and I was never quite sure what to say to that except that no, I don't enjoy challenges but Tricksy is the only child of a man I love. I always figured that if I want the man, I must take him with all that he comes with. One of the things he comes with, as well as being insightful,caring and genuinely nice, is a small child who has Autism. I would never stand between a child and their biological parents so I made a choice very early on to accept them both into my life. Lord knows I have enough space in my life for them.
On Being a stepmother: I think this is the reason I have decided to start writing. Being a step mother is unlike any role I've taken on in my life! In some ways I am Tricksy's mother: I'm here everyday, I make his school lunches, I take him for trips, I bathe him, I discipline him. But at the end of the day I am still only his stepmother. Dealing with his biological mother can be difficult for me, so Boyfriend is the only one that will communicate with her. There are things that I never thought about when I became a step mother, and these are things I will tackle here, as they happen.
I hope that someone out there finds this blog and finds it interesting for whatever reason they have for looking for blogs about stepmothers of special needs children. I am just going to write as I experience new things and hopefully, with time, I will be able to pass on wisdom as I learn it myself.
Love and light to you all x
